I woke up today, already a little out of sorts. Not entirely sure why, but figured it would sort itself out. I had lunch with the family yesterday, that was nice, but not enough time. There is never enough time these days I find. I started to get on the iMac, but decided to upgrade the operating system, which took a lot longer than I expected so I decided to sew some "easy" sleep pants.
My project life was already caught up so I pulled out the fabric I had and pattern and got a cutting.
I was cruising along. Brought it all into my happy place and started sewing. Now I am not an advanced sewer, more like I took a class in high school and fiddle with it now and then. I piddled around sewing a section, eating breakfast and updated computer all at the same time. Around noon I decided to get the pants finished so I could move to a baby book I am doing. I was at the waste band and put it together, incorrectly. I tore out the stitches and proceeded to stare at the instructions puzzled why what I had in my hands didn't look like the picture, I jumped up and headed toward my Moms place, rounded the corner and stop in my tracks. I stared at her door and started bawling. She's not hear, she hasn't been here for three years! She can't help me. No one can help me. I turned back around and went back to my happy place and proceeded to stare at the instructions in silence and in tears for two hours. Finally I realized I was missing a piece. But bigger than that a piece of my heart, my history, my life is gone too, She died on Halloween three years ago.
I am not sure she knew how much I needed her. I know she knew I loved her, I told her all the time. But today I needed her. I sat for such a long time trying to wrack my brain on who could I call to ask what I was doing wrong. The answer, No one. I am the one everyone calls, not the other way around.
But as I have done my entire life, I figured it out. I always figure it out. I always come up with the answer. So in the end I have some cute sleep pants, made with love. The love of sewing my mom shared with me that I hope to share with those I love as well. But if I learned anything today I learned that maybe I need a sewing lesson, then maybe I won't spend another afternoon lost!!