Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Whew I am still here

Wow, I cant believe that I have not blogged in such a long time. My life has been crazy crazy busy. Work, well work is unusually busy, so swamped with no breaks and crazy hours, yes more hours than I usually put in. I have to be honest, since my mom died I just have not been able to take the hustle and intensity the office brings this time of year. I am letting little things bug me more than they should and my feelings get hurt on a daily basis. Not usual for me, I am the strong one remember. Tommy let me get some help so I I could have a couple of days off before Xmas to rejuvenate myself. Taryn came to the rescue and she will be doing it again so I see some relief.

I miss mom allot. She was the first person close to me that has died and while she may not have been a touchy feely kind of mama she loved me and the last three years (she lived with me) she told me everyday that she loved me and I felt it and now that I cant hear her say it I wish I would have said it more to her. I know she knew I loved her. If I didn't say it I showed it. So with all the rain and seeing my dad blue and missing my mom, it makes me miss her more. I know time will make it better.

My day was filled up and I got to spend some time with Candice and her new beautiful boy Benjamin. I of course brought my camera and a Santa cap cause I had to take a picture.
Here is the cutest Santa Baby

Tomorrow its back to work and I am sure it will be super busy as its the last work day before the holiday. I need to straighten up my happy place and it looks like a hurricane blew through. I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas and I plan on catching up on blogging this weekend.

PS Happy Hour with the girls tomorrow. YIPEE now I am feeling better!!!!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tis the season

I have many things to show you and so many things to say. What I don't have is time to do it!!!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

What a weekend

This past weekend and holiday went by way too quickly and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Probably because its the first time in 18 years that I have not taken the week after thanksgiving off. I really didn't want to work today, but work is what I did. So much work
that I did not get a break or even lunch. Thus I was starving when I got home. Thankfully yummy mac n cheese was ready. Yum Yum.

We spent the Thanksgiving Holiday in San Diego. We had planned this before my mother passed away. It was good for dad to get out of the house. He stayed with my sister Lisa and will be back thursday as on Friday we are buring my mother at the veterans memorial cemetary on friday. We did get to take a few family pics at the beach and I only got one that I could use for my xmas card. I was disappointed but the weather, tide did not cooperate and it was a little much for my father.

Richard Deep Fried our turkey as usual. I love love love it this way. It only takes a hour and leaves the oven free to cook other stuff.

Richie just loves me taking his picture.

We have a family tradition each thanksgiving, we color the mash potatoes. This year lisa picked the color so it was no surprise that orange was the color of 2010. I love that they are always a different color.

pretty pretty orange.

I of course had my camera handy and laughed when I noticed myself in the window reflection.

yummy stuffing and yucky green bean cassarole. I hate green beans but I always make it for my family. Garrett told me this year that he loves my stuffing.

Here foo foo (my sister lisa) popped into the picture.

Glazed spiral cut ham. Did I mention I hate ham! But I always always make it for my family.

Golden Brown deep fried goodness of my Turkey. I could eat every inch of the skin if I could, but I would have to fight all my sister and son for it.
My sister in law, Gigit (rebecca) likes to make a "manich" which is a sandwich out of her food. I first saw her do this in Cancun and she always does it. She dances around while she eats it and its so cute.

You can look at the picture below and just imagine her dancing her her chair cause that is what she was doing. Loving her manich.

Overall it was a good holiday. We did not have fruit salad as my mama always made it and I just couldn't find it in my heart to make one. It would not be the same, thanksgiving was not the same without her. But I will move on and hopefully it will get better. I miss you mama. But we are thankful for each other. Dad is well taken care of mama and he ate all his food!!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Some creating

It has been a very busy weekend. I did have time for creating and made a baby shower card for Candice which lead me to make a few lollipops for package toppers. They are inspired by Rhonna Farrer and house of 3. I made both work art and printed them out then punched them out. The lollipops are made from pages of an old romance novel. Really love them. I quite cant catch the
catch to colors in the photo but the xmas one is hot pink teal and the baby is grey,yellow, white pink and blue.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I am gonna be singing in the rain

Yes I am a super gleek and loved this past weeks episode. Today I am feeling a little under the weather but plan to Try some singing in the rain while I run my errands. Love you mom!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I miss her today

I miss my mama today. Yesterday too. I was fine for a couple of days and it just hit me. I cried alot yesterday and again today in the cath lab I just broke down. I miss her telling me "love you" I miss her walking in saying knock knock. I just miss her. Dad is doing better but he still carries her picture around with him. I had to make him a smaller one that would fit in his wallet too. Life just isn't fair sometimes. But tomorrow is another day. Can I go home to Tara?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Hmm where did the week go

Wow, this week pasted so quickly. I last posted Tuesday. This was the first week in our new life. A life that includes my dad as a constant in the house. Since my mothers death we have had to change our routines and this week it began. I went back to work again leaving my men, Richie and Dad home alone. They went grocery shopping and to walmart. Watch TV and puttered around the house. Lindy is here couple days a week and helps with his lunches those days and took him to his doctor appointment. Dad now joins us on our Friday night Mexican food at La Tapatia. He seems to enjoy time with us and all the yummy food he gets to eat now. I make him a fruit smoothie every morning just as I make one for myself and Rachie. He told me he loves them. My mother used to cut up fruit everyday and this is my version. He went to church today on his own and did okay and watched as I made the 30+ thank you cards in my happy place. The animals love the new part of the house they get to roam in as when my mom was alive the animals could not go in their apartmen area but now they can and roaree thinks dads chair is his new bed lol. Tomorrow is bowling night and he can't wait to go with me he said. So tomorrow it starts again. A new routine, a new life for my father, new responsibilities for me and Richard. But its okay. So I leave you now with my a little picture or Roaree or Monster as I call him. He can be a monster but despite how big a PIA he is,, I still love him so.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

It begins

My new routine started Monday. The routine of my mom being gone and having to care more for my father. He has been such a trooper and going places with me and Richard that he would not have gone before. Sunday night he went to Garrett's baseball game and then went to Pizza with us. Monday I went back to work. I get up early and I left him a fruit smoothie in the frig, coffee ready so he could get his breakfast. Richie spent the day with him and zoey lou was his constant companion. Monday night is my bowling night.
I had my own personal coach. He told me what I did wrong and each game I got better. He then had all the ladies surrounding him asking for advise. He would give High 4 1/2's instead of high five as he is missing part of one finger and that got everyone laughing. At the end all the gals were telling him now come back next week, we need all the help we can get. Dad said he had a great time and was really relaxed. It was fun to see him laugh and joke and participate. Today Richie and dad are going grocery shopping. Should be fun and work, well work is busy as usual. Have a happy Tuesday.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hello Mama

This is how my day started. I needed a little help to be able to begin the process of saying goodbye. If my mama saw me to this she would be busting out laughing.

I added my moms photo to the wreath on my front door in memory of her as the reception after the funeral was held at my house.

A photo of my mother from the 50's we think. Dede remembers the dress. She said the collar was red, the lace trim white and the dress was grayish flecked.

The arrangement at the church that held my mothers ashed there in her favorite teapot. My friend Candra arranged the flowers and they were perfect.

She was tucked neatly and securely

I know she is in heaven

Some of the grandkids sitting my grandpa

We did get my dad to laugh a little.

Four of the sisters and my niece Dionna in the middle
We had a beautiful celebration of life and mom, we say Hello not goodbye. I will think of everyday and rest assured I will take care of Daddy.

Friday, November 5, 2010

A special Day

Some may think it odd while others who knew my mother would smile I believe. We are taking our father to Eagle Mountain Casino today to play keno in remembrance of my mom. They went every week and in fact went two weeks ago. Just doesn't seem possible. My mother loved to gamble and play keno. So we are going to play for a couple of hours with many family members (nine of us) surrounding my father and remembering my mama. Her memorial service or as I call it "Celebration of Life" is tomorrow. I hope today brings just a little happiness back to my fathers eyes.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Today was a little better for my father and I. A few less tears as we prepare to say goodbye. I have been emailing my sister Lisa back and forth with tidbits, recipes and pictures to include in the program she is making for my moms memorial service Saturday. I am trying to jot down thoughts so I can prepare my eulogy. Here are some funny things that hit me today.

1. My mom always ate at buffets when she and dad went to Vegas. When she left her purse would be filled with things that she gathered (not stole). Cookies, apple an orange. However if I never needed cream cheese I just had to open her frig and there would be 55 packets of cream cheese. Hmmm .... where did those come from.

2. Summer vacations were often spent camping on the Oregon coast. I have fond memories of the cheese factory and getting fresh crab. My dad and mom would sit at the table cracking the crab. I would walk up and say mama can I have some, she would say but you don't like crab just like your sisters. I would say, no I love it, she would say no remember you hate it. I said no mama I love it. She would say dam, now I have to share.

3. My mom went to work very early in the morning while I was still sleeping. We would wake up and head into the kitchen where she always had sliced oranges sprinkled with powder sugar there for my sisters and I. All the white stuff would be cut off and to this day I will only eat a orange if all the white stuff is off.

4. Its my mothers fault that I hate Bell peppers and scallops.

5. I remember as a little girl, my mother would always make my sisters and I soft flannel nightgowns for Christmas. We opened them Xmas eve and wore them for Santa. I would twirl around loving my new nightie.

6. My mom snored so loud, I could lie in the living room and hear her snoring through the wall. That came in handy when you were sneaking in late.

7. My mom laughed so funny. I would just laugh at how she laughed. Today my sister Lisa laughs just like her!

8. My mom loved to play keno. She was so lucky playing her "numbers"

9. She could take two eggs and last nights leftovers and feed a family of 7. To this date I hate leftovers.

10. My mom was so superstitious. If we walked on the other side of a pole with her, she would make us go back say bread and butter and walk on the same side as she did.

11. My mom taught me to knit and sew. She would sew many of our clothes when we were young and made all our prom dresses and even made my wedding gown.

Just a few thoughts. I miss you mama.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The beginning of goodbye

It starts. My day started with tears in my eyes as I realized that my mama was not here. She is gone. Lisa, Lindy, Richard and I took dad to Greenlawn today to begin all that needs to be done to say goodbye. It was very hard for my father but thankfully we had started some of it the night before. My sister Dede wrote the majority of the obituary. I found a sweet picture and lisa fluffed it some so it was suitable to print. My father is carrying that picture all around with him, constantly talking to it and giving it a little kiss. Oh sigh. My friend Candra took care of the flowers for the memorial service for me, which was a big relief. This afternoon my parents pastor came to meet with my father and I. It was soooo hard for him and the tears came once more. I am not really that emotional, but this sudden illness and death has thrown me off kilter. You can tell as I am accepting help from my friends who offer. A month ago I never would have done that. Tomorrow my father has some things he wants me to do and I will work some from home. So much emotion floating around in this house sadness, anger, laughter, fear. I just pray mom is looking down knowing I am taking care of Dad and it will be OK.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

She is ...

She is in a better place I am told. Its hard to imagine today that one week ago she was fine and today she is gone. This is one of my favorite photos of mom and two of my sisters. I am sifting through photos and memories and holding on the the past week. As my father held her to his chest she took her last breath at 12:20 am today. Kinda ironic as she is superstitious and she died on Halloween. But I imagine she is in a better place and is reunited with her mother and father, friends and loved ones that have passed. She was so strong a person in life and we were strong for her in death. As you can imagine, the love of her life is devastated but he has us to take care of him. We told her that early this am, we told her it was OK to go that Dad has us and we will take care of him She always said she would "haunt him" if he died first. Now dad hopes it won't be long before he joins her. I hope it is forever. That selfish I know but I can only take so much and I need more time. I have never just abandoned my responsibilities as I have this week. But I know that's what I need to do to get my father and family through this and send my mother to heaven as my father so wants to do. I could not have done it without the support of my best friend who has done so much this week for me. He stepped into a role that was not his to do and explained what a terminal illness means and the choices that go with it in a way that made my mother and father understand. They were able to make the choice to not prolong death without any uncertainty. My dad looked at me and said he is something else and I said yes, yes he is. For me that was a huge load off my heart, mind and soul. My constant companions Lisa, Lindy and Richard gave me the strength I needed to be the leader, to remain strong. I am truly blessed. So tonight we gather for the first time without my mama. We remember, we love and we are together.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Another day

Sometimes Zoey Lou jumps up and comforts me when I am sitting by my mom. Zoey Lou knows something is wrong, She is never allowed in Grannys place! But she knows something is up and she knows her mommy needs her.

This tender moment unfolded and while my mom does not look the prettiest, I can feel the emotion.

My moms brother, uncle Eddie comes a few times per day. She knows he is here.
I spend most my time with my mama and my father and sisters. I sneak out for a few minutes at a time to get some air, take a deep breath, cry a little, write down a few words or look at a picture. Its another day.

Friday, October 29, 2010

A Favorite Photo

When my moms sudden illness hit me, I was and still am so overwhelmed. I am usually the one who takes care of everything for everyone without a problem. I am stilling doing that today. I am also the person who has her camera handy at all times. I did not take any pictures the first couple of days as I did not want to document or record this event. But now, I see there are things to record. My mothers death is close. I wish I knew how long, but I don't. If you ask me it will be soon, but she is holding on for something or someone, I just don't know who that or what that is... My sister Lisa and I were up most of the night and all day with her today. Lindy leaves late and comes early to take over, but sleep eludes Lisa and I. We are tired, I am tired for my mother. It takes all her energy to breathe. My sister Bev will be here tomorrow and I will have another hand to help us, to take a shift, to support dad. He needs so much support right now.
Today my uncle Eddie came, he is my mothers brother. I have not seen him in 20 years. He looks the same. He held her hand and she said Ohhh Ohhh when she saw him. She smiled. I tell her every hour that I love her. My children come and hold her hand and laugh and tell stories of their Granny. Right now I am counting the minutes till her next medication dose so I can lie down for a bit. But before I go, here is my very FAVORITE photo of my mother and I. It is New Years Day 1965. My mother is BEAUTIFUL and I love how her smile touches her eyes. I love you mama!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Holding On

That is what I am doing right now, holding on. This is a picture my sister DeDe took of my dad holding my moms hand in the hospital. That is what he is doing, holding on to my mother. I don't think he is ready to let her go, not that I am either. It's happening sooo fast. Her first night home was last night and I don't think Lisa and I slept at all, constantly getting up to make sure she was alright, giving her her meds every three hours, touching her, telling her we love her. I wish I knew how much longer, I have an educated guess, but I wont say it out loud.

So I will keep holding on to every minute, every smile, every I love you. Lindy, Lisa and I are my mother and fathers constant companions. They are going to be sick of us soon. lol. My cousin Barry who I have not seen in 20 years was here today along with my parents pastor and their grandson Chris. My mothers brother is coming tomorrow. I have a lot of guilt as I have really abandoned the office and Tommy. But I just can't be there when my mom needs me these last few days. I can't, I have to hold on....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I have had a sudden illness in my family. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer three days ago. Today I take her home on hospice. When I stayed the night with her I curled up with my leopard Minky blankie that my friend Suzanne made. It was soft and comforting. Last night my sister Lisa spent the night. When I came early this morning the first thing she said was " where did u get that blanket ?". It made me feel so good do soft I wanna get one. I said sorry Lisa it's one of a kind! And no I'm not giving it to you! Thank you suzanne for making me and my sissy feel better!!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The first year baby book

I put together a Everyday life, the first year baby book for my friend Debbie's son's baby shower today. I didnt have a lot of time this week so it went together in a total of about 3 hours, which for me is a short time. I am loving grey this year just love it and am drawn to it wear ever I am.
This album was inspired by Janet Hopkins Baby Milestone binder book. I saw it on Ali Edwards blog. It utilizes the house of 3 Babies first year printable kit and My Minds Eye Andrea Victoria Line, which also available for Designer Digitals.

If you look closely I tried Janets technique of using a medium and then stamping into the medium which leaves a texture. Mine was with matte not glossy medium and discolored a little but still cool, (difficult to photograph thou)

This is the first time I used a printable kit, which are pdfs that you print off and use. I printed most of the journaling cards, but resized them first. Really liked it. House of 3 has tons of printable kits which work for those who do not know how to use photoshop.

I also like how the book photographed againest my tiffany blue walls and dove grey counters.

I printed the frames on transparancies and put them on on the back of the journaling card leaving the top open so a picture could be slipped in.

This rose I made frame lace that I cut from a big piece of flat fold lace. I folded it and fathered the edge (yes suzanne i sewed again, thanks to you and your inspiration :) ) I twirled it around and glued to a piece of felt and added a brad, button and jewel. I was happy with it for my first time around.

Again I so love the grey, white, black and gold.

Can't have a book without bling!!!!!

I love love love love love love ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ DAMASK.

I also cut up a rub on, which I never would have thought to do until I took Jenni Bowlin's class in Mykonos, Greece. Honestly I used to hate rub ons, but now I love them.

I printed sweet memories on a tag and adhered with a brad and Heidi Swapp ghost clock.

I made the cute little grey polka dot pocket with a brush stamp from House of 3 so they could put little bits and pieces in it from the shower.

See another little sprinkle of Damask, cause I LOVE IT. I make little circles all the time and print them out and use a punch to punch them out. I have all sizes of circle and scalloped punches.

I used some old vintage buttons for the last page on top of couple of paper pieces. The base of the book was a Michaels 1.00 book in the bin by the door.Theh original book from Janet Hopkins was an old book and she used a binder mechinism. I cannot find them at all except in BULK and I cannot use 1000 binder mechinims. Ugh. Someday I will tackle it one day.

Now I had to finish this book in a hurry this am as the shower was today. I couldn't do it without my yummy pumpkin spice latte. ( my favorite )
And now I have to clean up this giant mess in my scrap room so I can start something else, plus edit the 500 pictures I took today at the baby shower.